


until the sun turned blue

by dizzy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Toys, barely more than pwp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-23 01:56:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8309320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: Standing in front of a sex shop in Portugal, where they know no one and barely speak the language.  (a 2010 fic)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [BisexualShoeMarriage](https://twitter.com/BeginningWithI) for beta reading, and mermaid for all the love, suggestions, and general but necessary hand holding she does.
> 
> [Here's a visual aid if you need it.](http://alittledizzy.tumblr.com/post/151947907520/phangst-im-too-busy-phangirling-phils) (Of them, not the... well. It's sfw.)

Dan is impulsive in the best and worst ways. 

At the worst of times it leaves Phil confused, feeling like the ground has been yanked out from under his feet. He hates the sickly anxious feeling of being unsure, especially since Dan is someone he's so sure of so much of the time. He values finding Dan predictable when no one else can. 

But at the best of times it's an adrenaline rush, getting swept up in whatever Dan has decided with utmost confidence is something he - they - need to do, even if the idea only crossed his mind moments before. 

This is the latter; standing in front of a sex shop in Portugal, where they know no one and barely speak the language. Phil’s gone on holidays by himself before - New York, a couple years ago, trips to visit friends. But he’s never been on a holiday with a boyfriend. He’s doing this for the first time and it’s with Dan and that’s a heady feeling. 

Their hands are tangled loosely between them and Dan's eyes are keenly surveying posters that blocked the view inside the shop. Phil tries not to notice how Dan's eyes linger on the one of a man with his thumbs hooked into the waistband of jeans, framing his abs down his crotch. Does Dan want that? Does he want it for himself, or Phil? Phil doesn't think Dan has many complaints about Phil's body, but Phil also knows he doesn't look like that. 

Phil tugs on Dan's hand. "Come on," he says. "Let's go." 

"No." Dan says, looking at Phil with that grin that makes his dimple go deep. "Let's go in," 

* 

Phil can't stop the nervous sweat that gathers at the small of his back. His eyes dart around. He feels suspicious, and probably looks it, too. 

"We wanted more lube anyway," Dan says. "We've only got that travel tube and it's shit." 

It is, actually. It was a hasty purchase in a chemist while his mum was busy in the shop next door. "Okay," Phil says. That seems safe. Safe, and practical. And not scary. Not too scary, at least. "We can buy lube. I think it was back near the front." 

"Right. So we'll get some on the way out." Dan's oblivious. He's a kid in a candy store, eyes wide and roaming over every display. "Phil, Phil. Look how big that is." 

The thing he's pointing at is indeed large. It is also neon green and shaped like a tentacle. 

It actually makes him laugh, diffusing the situation. "Alien probing dreams just got a lot scarier." 

Dan's grin is so, so pleased. 

Phil decides that yes, for that smile, he can do this. 

*

Smile or no smile, he can't do this. 

Dan's wandered off leaving him in front of a row of chunky leather bondage accessories. Something about them makes Phil's stomach go funny in a bad way. 

It's too much, too fast. It makes him picture things and his head spins. 

He takes a step back and stumbles against a rack of cock rings. His hand steadies it and by some blessing of grace actually manages to accomplish what he intends to do instead of the expected domino reaction of more things falling. 

The shopkeeper is staring at him now, though. Phil raises his hand in an awkward little wave then hurries to find Dan. 

* 

Dan's holding a box in his hand. "I want to get this." 

Phil looks at the box but doesn't reach for it, not even when Dan holds it out. He reads the word 'fleshlight' across the box, sees the tube with the rubbery end. It looks monumentally unarousing to him. "Why? We don't have to get anything. Just lube, you said." 

"It says it feels like a realistic pussy," Dan says, looking over at Phil. "You've never done it with a girl, you could try it." 

Phil's face goes read and he hisses, "Dan!" Embarrassment and a little bit of shame plummet his heart down into his stomach. 

"What, I just - oh, come on, Phil. No one in here cares." Dan bumps their shoulders together, then leans in and kisses Phil. 

He does that sometimes, almost like he's just proving he can. Sometimes he looks at Phil after like he's waiting for Phil to tell him that he's wrong. Phil doesn't, hasn't, hopes he never will. He can't help that his shoulders tense just a little though. 

"Where else are we going to have a chance like this?" Dan asks. He tilts his head in that stubborn way. "It'll be hot, I promise. It'll be so sexy." 

Sexy is the last thing Phil can imagine feeling about this right now but he doesn't want to have a fight in the store. He wants this trip to go perfectly, his first trip somewhere with his boyfriend who looks at Phil like Phil is all grown up, like Phil could never let him down. 

"Fine," Phil says. "Get it." 

*

They get the lube and the toy and Dan plucks a couple other things up from the table near the front. Phil is barely even looking anymore. He feels queasy and he wants this to be over. This is too far past his comfort zone. 

The store smells like cheap plastic and it's choking him. "I'll wait outside," he says, just before Dan's about to go stand at the counter. He doesn't offer to help pay. It's really the last thing on his mind. 

Dan's put their haul into his backpack by the time he joins Phil outside. He looks worried and withdrawn but he doesn't mention the things he bought and every step away from the store makes Phil feel a little better. 

*

By lunch time they've fallen into a strange truce. Dan's being extra cautious and Phil's holding his hand and they're still not saying much but it's alright. It'll be alright. 

* 

They walk along the water. Dan is beautiful with his head bowed, so beautiful that Phil has to take a picture. He's even more beautiful when he tilts his head up, hair falling out of his eyes and lips parted just a little. That would make a pretty picture too but that mouth is more perfect for kissing in the moment. 

* 

Hotel room, naked and kissing. It's too early for dinner, long past lunch. Dan doesn't suggest they turn on the television. He doesn't make a move for his laptop. 

He does hold Phil's face in his hands and kiss Phil like if he does it well enough, hard enough, deep enough, it'll unlock some new level to them. Sometimes it confuses Phil, the moments of intensity within Dan, but mostly he likes being swept up in it. He likes that whatever Dan sets his sights on, he wants Phil beside him for. 

But this is a different kind of feeling, this is scary. It's the kind that makes Phil prickle with bad feelings, that reminds him too strangely of the way he felt all through school when he'd sneak looks at boys and then go home and want to cry. Like he's going to get something wrong and it's going to upset someone he loves and he can't - he just can't stop it. 

Dan takes the toy out of the box. He hands the lube to Phil. The toy is just a little thing. It sits on the bed with its shiny casing and its weird pink lips. Phil does nothing with the lube. He does not reach forward. 

"Phil," Dan says, and his voice cracks a little. Phil can tell that Dan is about to back down. His shoulders are already slumping. It's disappointment in a different way than failing, it's Dan being embarrassed for wanting to try. It can't stay, Dan can't look like that because of Phil. 

He's found his motivation, suddenly. He picks the toy up. 

*

"How?" Phil asks. 

He's so gone for Dan it's disgusting. Love isn't like a storybook, it's just a series of increasingly dodgy decisions you agree to just to make someone else smile and maybe get to see them naked later. 

"Like this," Dan says, pushing Phil down onto the bed. 

*

It goes like this: 

They make out on the bed. It's what they woke up doing, what they went to bed doing the night before. Their bodies are comfortable together, the bed a haven of _always, yes_ when so much else outside of them is a confusing _maybe_. There's insecurity but it’s pushed aside in favor of mutual pleasure. It's Phil's favorite thing now in a way that he thinks is probably slightly creepy but oh, oh - the hours of his life spent just laying in bed with his hand around himself thinking of the way Dan looks, sounds, feels, when they're like this together. He's a dedicated student of Dan and sex, and this is only lesson one. 

But then: Dan's hand, suddenly slick with lube, around his dick. Dan's mouth wet on Phil's ear whispering sweet filth, words that Phil never thought he'd find sexy but in that moment they really are. 

"I'm gonna do it," Dan whispers, and that's the dirtiest thing of all. 

*

Dan watches. 

Phil would rather be kissing, but Dan wants to watch so - Dan watches. He goes so slowly it makes Phil shiver with the need to push his hips forward into a strange sensation, not like his own hand and not like being inside Dan, either. There's an easier give to the slicked up rubbery material. It moves against him because Dan is moving it, and that's weird, but-

But it's not bad. It's not bad at all, especially not with Dan leaned in and panting and making those desperate tiny sounds he makes without even realizing he's doing so. 

When it's snug against the base of his dick Phil can't even look down. There's something almost humiliating about seeing it so he watches Dan's face instead. Dan likes it so, so much and Phil likes that Dan likes it and that's why his hips start to fuck forward and he reaches out, a hand around the back of Dan's neck for leverage. 

Dan leans in and kisses him finally, finally. Phil's arm goes tighter and he's not paying attention when he digs little crescent sliver marks in Dan's skin (but that's okay, Dan will tell him later, because Dan sort of likes that too, and Phil's not sure how he feels about any of this but he's always glad when his fingers do things to Dan that Dan likes.) 

"Yeah, yeah," Dan says. "Come on, yeah. Do you want to come in this p-pussy?" 

Phil goes still, because what Dan’s saying just isn’t - it isn’t- 

"Dan-" Phil lets out a choked out laugh. "Don’t say that." 

Dan goes even redder in the face, red for a different reason. "Shit, sorry. I thought-" 

But it's okay because he's still laughing, sheepish now at himself. 

“Just you,” Phil says. He props himself up for a kiss and uses his free hand to rest on Dan's hip, palm against Dan's skin and pressing and pulling a little. "Want you," he says again, and hopes Dan understands. 

*

Dan does understand. He straddles Phil but high up on his knees so there's enough room between their bodies to still move the fleshlight over Phil. Phil kisses him greedily and touches everywhere, his lower body leaving the bed in uncoordinated thrusts that jar them both. 

"Dan," Phil says. "Dan, Dan." 

Dan's holding it at just the right angle and kissing him and Phil isn't sure what Dan expected from this but at the moment Phil doesn't care because he's going to come and it's going to be good and fuck, fuck, _fuck_ \- 

It's not like coming in Dan either but that's all right because the hottest part of this whole thing isn't even Phil's own orgasm, it's the way Dan pulls it off Phil almost before Phil is even done coming. Then Dan - beautiful Dan, shameless in the moment - is sitting back on his haunches with Phil's thighs trapped between Dan's calves and he's fucking it down onto his own cock and crying out loudly. 

Phil's dick gives another twitch and he squeezes his fingers around himself, a tiny bit more come oozing out of the tip as he stares at the way he can see smeared globs of his own come on Dan's dick now with every upstroke Dan makes. 

Dan half collapses forward, his cheek on Phil's shoulder and mouth on Phil's neck as he whines and jerks forward one more time. 

* 

Phil's heart rate is slowly going back to normal. "Was that-" He starts to say. "Did you like it?" 

"Fuck, Phil." Dan groans, a noise that sounds like it comes from somewhere down by his toes. "That was so hot." 

"Really?" Phil rests a hand across his own stomach. He feels sweaty and a little gross but not at all like moving.

"Yeah, it's like. It's the idea of it, you know? I don't want to watch you with someone else." Dan's cheeks are pink, his hair plastered to his forehead. He looks young and debauched. "I want to give you everything, though." 

"I don't-" The words feel like they're choking Phil for just a moment, and he has to think of a different way to say it. "I don't want anything but you. I don't want to be with anyone else." 

It's close. It's not everything, but it's true and it's enough.

Dan's gaze flickers over toward him, and he smiles. "Yeah. Good. But still the idea of it is just - it's like watching you on skype, but - better. I want to make you come, like, all the ways." 

Phil laughs. It's giddy and slightly maniacal and probably inappropriate but he can’t help it because he wants that _so much_ but really that's okay because Dan laughs, too. 

*

Neither of them have the courage to pack it in their bags back home, so the toy ends up in the bin at the hotel, wrapped in the bag that it came in.

**Author's Note:**

> [read and reblog on tumblr](http://slightlydizzier.tumblr.com/post/151948273369/until-the-sun-turned-blue)


End file.
